How Can I Tell if I Chose the Right Partner?
Updated: Mar 21
Relationships are incredibly complex, and there are many times where one may wonder if they’ve made the right choice. How can you tell if you chose the right partner?
How to Tell if You Chose the Right Partner
You Can Plan Together
Looking toward your future together and having adult conversations about things you may disagree on is important in a relationship. Can you make financial decisions and agree on a general trajectory for your lives in the next several years? If you’re able to get on the same page about many of life’s most difficult decisions, congratulations! You’re in a solid relationship. It’s important to note that if you’re the laid back one of the relationship, your input is still valid in these major decisions. Your partner may be more decisive, but you have to advocate for yourself in any major plans that affect you. Your partner will appreciate your involvement and interest in the future, and you can make sure your goals align.
You Both Retain Your Individuality
What makes your relationship unique is the two of you. Being your own person with your own interests, friends, and personality is important. You should of course have things in common and do things together, but you need to be comfortable doing your own thing sometimes. The best relationships are forged on healthy boundaries and small compromises. Sacrificing too much of yourself to make a relationship work can breed resentment, so contentment in your decision now doesn’t mean there won’t be regret later. For instance, your partner left their dream job to move to a new city with you for a new opportunity. Was that dream job worth leaving for them? Did you have that difficult discussion and come to an agreement? Relationships are important to us for so many reasons, but so are our own personal goals and needs. Sometimes a relationship can be much more important to you than something like where you work, and that’s great. But it’s not that way for everyone, and ignoring it when it doesn’t feel right never works out.
You Have “Healthy Arguments”
Because you’re two unique people, you’re not going to agree on everything. From different styles of making the bed to complex political disagreements, you need to argue healthily. That doesn’t mean that one person always gives up and goes quiet. It also doesn’t mean that both people never stop sharing why their opinion is more important. It’s very possible to have a balanced relationship and still have arguments. They are healthy, in many cases. Sometimes sacrifices and changes may be made, but nobody is a pushover. You don’t mold your most personal feelings to the exact shape of your partner’s. Disagreeing on what movie to watch shouldn’t end in a screaming match. A healthy couple can compromise, adapt, and cope with even the biggest of disagreements.
You Feel Secure
Asking the question “how can I tell if I chose the right partner?” doesn’t mean you’re not sure that you chose the right person or that you made the wrong decision. Wondering if your relationship is where it should be is a healthy instinct. If you saw this list and found no common ground with any of what was mentioned, it may be possible you aren’t in a relationship with the right partner. Or it may just mean your relationship will take some work. Relationships are so incredibly diverse that there is no right answer to the question – or at least not really. What it comes down to in the end is a feeling of safety and security. These are abstract things, but they can be boiled down to a few common indicators of security. Are you secure in the way you feel about your partner and how you perceive their feelings for you? Do you trust your partner? If you have trust in your partner, odds are you feel pretty secure in your relationship. If you haven’t made these considerations before, it may be that you're just that comfortable. If not, none of these tips are deal breakers. Relationships work in spite of or because of any variety of unique conditions. If you feel happy in your relationship and you know your partner honestly feels the same way, that’s great. Be available to discuss the hard things. Ask forthright questions if you’re worried how your partner may feel.
It cannot be overstated just how unique and complex every single human relationship is. If you’re not sure that you chose the right partner, there’s always help in counseling services offered at The Collective.